Dreams Deferred

Week 12

If all goes as planned, this will be my final week.

I wanted to feel the cool air on my face so I did the first mile outside. I began to wish I stayed outside. After being in the gym for ten minutes, I was joined by the loudest woman on a gossiping phone call. It was too early for this conversation and it was quite rude to carry on so loudly being in a shared space. I wanted to go unplug her machine. She was getting on my nerves and I desperately hoped that the person on the other end had somewhere to be. No such luck. Urgh!!!!!!!

To top off the ridiculous loud woman, Nike was up to his antics again and not registering my miles. Again, the universe recognizes who I run for. Today, my miles aren’t for a person, but rather; for dreams come true. Like this morning’s run, as I pursue my dreams; there will be people who annoy me and difficulties along the way. Today’s lesson, “Don’t sweat the small stuff and just keep going!”

I went back for round two. This time I was armed with headphones, just in case. There were two people on the treadmills (one on either side). The female to my left kept glancing over. After her warmup, she appeared to be trying to run with me. That just made me get rid of my idea to do intervals. Fifteen minutes in, she got off. One down, one to go. The gentleman on my right was going for it. I kept wishing he would quit so I could walk. He too finally caved. I crowned myself Treadmill Champ.

Day 2

I woke up eager to run. I smiled at the enthusiasm I had today. It was the same enthusiasm I used to have any time I had something planned with my brother. He was twelve years older than me, but we always clicked. It was 42 degrees. He loved the cold. Me, not so much. I dressed in my favorite neon leggings, long sleeve shirt and jacket.

After a mile, I was getting warm. The hills seemed liked mountains, but I was having a good run. To make my run better, the horses were out. I completed seven miles.

I know I needed double digits for the day so I went back out to walk later to make it ten.

In the last thirty four days, I have logged two hundred miles. This lady is tired, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I spent the evening with my legs up on the wall. I imagine that will be my ritual the remainder of the week.

Day 3

I chose to run for the #IRUNTHISC1TY supporters in Illinois that I had hoped to meet this weekend. My miles were easy and steady as the reality is setting in that I won’t be racing on Saturday. I’ve eliminated the desire to complete 1,000 miles on a specific day because it just won’t have the same meaning not reaching the goal crossing a finish line.

Day 4

The calendar says rest. I’ve decided to do just that. Sadness has overcome me and I just don’t want to. I haven’t thrown in the towel. That’s not in my character. I’ve just delayed the sense of urgency to reach my goal.

Rest will be good for me. Rest of the body and the mind is currently needed.

Day 5

And the day before what would have been race day has gone exactly as the day after the first day of training….with technical difficulties. I decided on a midday mile. Low and behold, my difficulty really wasn’t technical…but more user error. I forgot to stop my app and three hours later, I laughed at my phone when I realized it was still going. 3:20:14 to complete 1.88 miles. Talk about slow and easy. Oh well. C’est la vie.

The night ended with me in tears as I surfed Facebook and saw the pictures of my friends at expos and pictures of their race day clothes spread out. I’m happy for each of them but I’m so sad for myself and my other friend who is also unable to race. It’s heartbreaking to spend twelve plus weeks training for a race and then not having the satisfaction of showing up at the START line. I have race envy in the worst way.

Day 6

It’s supposed to be race day and the morning started just like it ended….in tears. Who knew I’d be this emotional??

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Category: Pen & Pavement